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Linda J
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Posted: Tue Mar 17th, 2009 12:41 |
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Th1 illnesses obviously impact marriage relationships in ways that are not fully understood yet. It is sometimes hard to figure out if problems are a result of inappropriate choice, poor coping and relationship skills, or limitations created by Th1 illnesses. The more I have learned about Th1 illnesses and their impact on people’s thinking and behavior, the more convinced I am that many marriage issues develop out of or are sustained by Th1 influences.
This complicates trying to seek outside help to deal with marital issues for someone on the MP, because most marriage therapists are unfamiliar with the concepts of Th1 illnesses, how they impact people’s behavior, or even the reasoning behind the science and success of the MP, and may even view it as some sort of neurotic behavior or snake oil out of ignorance. So seeking outside help for marriage issues while simultaneously dealing with all the IP and limitations of the MP becomes extremely complicated or impossible, and just adds to the stress of coping.
In addition to that, many people have very few resources to help provide emotional support while also dealing with these problems. The focus of the MP is primarily on implementing the MP, and doesn’t deal with relationship issues that may be related to Th1 issues.
Many of us have spouses who, while they are willing to let us make our own choices about our health care, (sometimes only nominally) are unwilling to accept the MP or the theories behind it, themselves, let alone seek out help for their own Th1 driven problems.
I’d like to start a discussion about these issues and even emotional support for people going through relationship difficulties while also dealing with IP on the MP. (Which I need, too.) I think this would be especially helpful to those of us with a lot of neurological IP, because issues such as anger, anxiety, and other IP induced emotions tend to skew our thinking processes and in turn strain our relationships. And getting some objective perspective from others could help with relationship issues that stem out of Th1 limitations.
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Lyme thyroiditis IBS MVP PTSD MCS 125D63 SAM-e Claritin probiotics psyllium silymarin magnesium 5htp homebound low lux NoIRs 25D8 (Oct08)
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Alayne
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| Joined: | Wed Sep 21st, 2005 |
| Location: | California USA |
| Posts: | 579 |
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Posted: Tue Mar 17th, 2009 14:13 |
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Th1 illnesses obviously impact marriage relationships in ways that are not fully understood yet. It is sometimes hard to figure out if problems are a result of inappropriate choice, poor coping and relationship skills, or limitations created by Th1 illnesses. The more I have learned about Th1 illnesses and their impact on people’s thinking and behavior, the more convinced I am that many marriage issues develop out of or are sustained by Th1 influences.
I fully agree with you. I have no idea what in my marriage is due to Th1 disease or just plain old different personality issues. In this situation, there have probably been some inappropriate choices. There have defintiely been some poor coping and relationship skills. I do believe, as you do, that many marriage isues develop or begin or are sustatined by Th1 influences. This is my hope, at any rate. Otherwise, I'm just a complete nutjob.
This complicates trying to seek outside help to deal with marital issues for someone on the MP, because most marriage therapists are unfamiliar with the concepts of Th1 illnesses, how they impact people’s behavior, or even the reasoning behind the science and success of the MP, and may even view it as some sort of neurotic behavior or snake oil out of ignorance. So seeking outside help for marriage issues while simultaneously dealing with all the IP and limitations of the MP becomes extremely complicated or impossible, and just adds to the stress of coping.
Indeed, this complicates a lot. Seeking outside help for a couple (both on the MP) is inherently difficult due to psychiatric understanding of Th1 diseases. On top of that are the cognitive skills necessary to anyone undergoing therapy - the ability to not only understand what's going on, but to also remember. These are often lacking in the patient.
In addition to that, many people have very few resources to help provide emotional support while also dealing with these problems. The focus of the MP is primarily on implementing the MP, and doesn’t deal with relationship issues that may be related to Th1 issues.
Yes, we have few resources. Other family members have a very difficult time understanding our own illness, let alone couple's problems.
Many of us have spouses who, while they are willing to let us make our own choices about our health care, (sometimes only nominally) are unwilling to accept the MP or the theories behind it, themselves, let alone seek out help for their own Th1 driven problems.
Perhaps in a way I'm lucky. My DH is on the MP. However, he's so much more neurologically affected than I am - it's hard enough for me to understand and I'm on the MP. He doesn't understand much himself and certainly our families or friends don't. There is no outside support.
I’d like to start a discussion about these issues and even emotional support for people going through relationship difficulties while also dealing with IP on the MP. (Which I need, too.) I think this would be especially helpful to those of us with a lot of neurological IP, because issues such as anger, anxiety, and other IP induced emotions tend to skew our thinking processes and in turn strain our relationships. And getting some objective perspective from others could help with relationship issues that stem out of Th1 limitations.
Thank you for posting this. I think it's a very important subject. At least for me.
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CFS/FM Sick 30+yrs. NoIRs/Zinc oxide. 6/05:25D-34, 1,25D-69; 11/07:25D-8 1,25-37. 11/17/05-Ph1, 5/06-MPh2, 12/06-MPh2#2, 6/07-MPh2#3,1/08-Ph2, 4/08-Ph3. 4/09-10/09 weaned off abx. Benicar q4-6h. Heavy metal chelation as recent adjunctive therapy.
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Aunt Diana
Support Team
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Posted: Wed Mar 18th, 2009 03:20 |
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Yes...this is an important subject. I am so lucky that my husband understands and believes in the MP and actually plans to go on it himself once I am well enough to take care of the two of us.
But I have wondered what it will be like with the shoe on the other foot. At times I have been so awful to be around I am amazed he can cope with me. I just hope I have the stuff to tolerate it when it's my turn. The partner in an MP relationship does not have an easy row to hoe.
And then there are those who are totally on their own...since so many seem to have a hard time understanding the MP. That must be really difficult.
Just reading the comments on Dr. Mercola's website reminded me again of the violent feelings this protocol seems to bring out in people. I can't understand it but I certainly have witnessed it.
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Lyme 1987, neuro cardio fatigue achiness brain fog depression, anxiety. Pacemaker, D.1,25 32; D <5; 12/07 <6, hydrocodone, lorazapam, , benedryl, zantac, colase, Noirs, cover-up or avoid sun, house <30lux
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Ebeth
Member
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Posted: Wed Mar 18th, 2009 06:19 |
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I think this is an excellent and necessary topic. I started getting sick while I was engaged, but I did not realize what was going on. It took 2 1/2 years for me to get my diagnosis. And then there were a few years of not knowing what to do because I had not heard of the MP, and I refused to take prednisone or methotrexate.
One way or another though, I have just felt that my husband really got the short end of the stick with a sick wife who could no longer be the person he met and with whom he fell in love. I don't mean to sell myself short, but I think marriage is tough even when both people feel well. So chronic illness just adds a much deeper level of stress. And then the neuro IP while on the protocol is also tough.
I find myself pointing out to my husband that perhaps I am having neuro IP rather than that I am just an irrational, crazy person. I have printed out some things from the MP site and showed them to my husband and another family member to try to get them to understand. It sort of helps.
I am the kind of person who wants to talk about the elephant in the living room, so I prefer to just talk about it. But my husband is probably more of an avoider. According to him and a couple other family members, all I talk about is my illness and the MP. I know that I consciously make efforts to ask others about themselves and that I purposely try not to talk about it all the time (though getting well pretty much is my life - I can't help it). I feel like my husband rarely if ever asks me about the protocol. I think I would probably burst into tears if anyone just sat down with me, looked me in the eye, and genuinely inquired, "How are you?" Would that be a normal reaction or neuropathology, do you think? 
I wish I had more time and energy to participate in these boards, because I think the support and community is so helpful. Thanks for posting this topic, Linda. I am really interested in how others deal with these issues in their relationships.
~Elizabeth
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Sarcoidosis/liver hypothyroid 125D49 Ph1Feb06 Ph2Jun06 Ph3Jan07 break Jul-Oct07 surg Mino only Feb-Jun08 2nd surg Armour thyroid 25D9(8/07)
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Aunt Diana
Support Team
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Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2009 04:21 |
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Elbeth,
I so totally relate to what you are experiencing. I am fortunate however in that my husband is not healthy himself and sees the MP as the answer for him, as soon as I am able to take care of the both of us. In this I am very lucky. (What a strange definition of luck)
I hope you can have the fortitude to wait it out. You are on the right track and eventually you will be free of the disease.
I think most of us have experience with family members who simply don't believe us....I can identify with them as well, since I used to think my mother was a hypochondriac.
We are living in an interesting time. We are on the verge of a greater understanding of chronic illness...but we still have a long way to go before we are understood by mainstream.
We are the foot soldiers....eventually our stories will be understood.
Until then we have to somehow survive...and know that our lives are getting better, herx by herx.
I wish you the best .
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Lyme 1987, neuro cardio fatigue achiness brain fog depression, anxiety. Pacemaker, D.1,25 32; D <5; 12/07 <6, hydrocodone, lorazapam, , benedryl, zantac, colase, Noirs, cover-up or avoid sun, house <30lux
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Ebeth
Member
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Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2009 17:13 |
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Thank you, Aunt Diana. I expected to be further along at this point because I did not anticipate having to have 2 major surgeries in less than 2 years in the midst of being on the protocol. Consequently, the time to build back up has taken so much longer. I am now trying to avoid a third surgery (adhesions - what a surprise - said with tongue firmly planted in cheek) so that I can keep my momentum into Phase 3.
Last year, my husband was in a serious car accident where he was hospitalized for 14 days and needing to use a wheelchair for some time afterwards. It was horrible, but ironically, it may have given him some insight into the issues I face with being sick for so long. (Sort of like what you were saying about being "lucky" that your husband is looking to the MP.)
He was not a "patient" patient - after 2 months he was pretty frustrated. So of course I had to point out how many *years* I had been dealing with pain, not being able to do things, etc., saying, "Honey, I understand your frustration. Do you now have a glimpse into mine?"
My husband has pretty much recovered with the exception of pain from the plates in his ankle. I don't know if he now remembers glimpsing at chronic illness, but for a time he seemed to have more understanding.
I do want to point out that my husband has been absolutely wonderful about doing stuff: going to the store, taking care of chores, washing dishes. It's the emotional component that can be more challenging. I also think that it is difficult for him or for others to distinguish between me and the illness.
I remember my husband casually remarking one day that I was not an "outdoor person." I was stunned. When we dated, we frequently went hiking and spent time at parks outdoors. I love the outdoors. So then I pointed out that that wasn't true because I was only avoiding the sun because of protocol. And then he responded with, "Oh, yeah, I guess so." It's like he forgets that I am even on a protocol - that this is just who I am. That it's not that I *can't* do things, it's that I am just choosing not to do them.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced a similar kind of identity crisis: "Is it me...or is it my illness?" [Said with way more humor than can possibly be conveyed in a text-only environment.] We could have a game show - ha!
~Elizabeth
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Sarcoidosis/liver hypothyroid 125D49 Ph1Feb06 Ph2Jun06 Ph3Jan07 break Jul-Oct07 surg Mino only Feb-Jun08 2nd surg Armour thyroid 25D9(8/07)
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Karna
Member
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Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2009 05:31 |
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| What a great thread. I starting noticing my health problems shortly after I was married eighteen years ago so my husband has never lived with me in a healthy state. He knew me as a teenager and can recall how active I was but that is so far removed from where we are now that it's hard to grasp my life was ever "normal". Ebeth-you said so much of what I feel and it sounds so familiar. My husband has come a long ways in his support for me and now tells everybody about the MP. He is still somewhat skeptical since I haven't shown any great results yet but he is my rock of support. He has spent thousands of his hard earned money over the years to find a "cure" for my many strange symptoms. I am fortunate that one of his personality traits is to want to take care of things. This may also turn out to be our greatest challenge as I recover my health. I was always a strong, confident person pre MP. I forsee him struggling with letting go of doing almost everything for me as I become more able to take care of myself. I do think he sees my illness as my identity and he does get tired of me only having one thing on the brain(my health and the MP). I don't have anything else to talk about since I don't have a life outside my home. We have become better about talking things out and understanding where each is coming from. He realizes that I do not have anyone else to share my troubles with so he patiently listens. Deep down I know he is frustrated and weary with having a sick wife. Sometimes I wish he could find a support group for other men like him who care for sick wives. He deserves some sort of sainthood for his unconditional love and support all these years.
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CFS/Food allergies,sensitivities Ph1May08 Ph2Oct08 25D8(Apr09) low lux home, limited outings covered up, enzymes
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Aunt Diana
Support Team
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Posted: Sat Mar 21st, 2009 03:23 |
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Karna,
Your post was so poignant it made my cry. So many men are so misunderstood these days. I think it is a common characteristic of many men to want to help and make things "work". I wonder if your husband really would want a healthier wife. He is probably happy that he is needed.
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Lyme 1987, neuro cardio fatigue achiness brain fog depression, anxiety. Pacemaker, D.1,25 32; D <5; 12/07 <6, hydrocodone, lorazapam, , benedryl, zantac, colase, Noirs, cover-up or avoid sun, house <30lux
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Karna
Member
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Posted: Sat Mar 21st, 2009 05:48 |
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| Your last two sentences say it all and hit it right on the head. He carries a lot of anger inside(from some past issues but I also think from the burden of my illness) and we've had conversations about if and how his emotions will change as I get healthier. He definitely loves being needed, whether he realizes it or not, so I'll have to be very sensitive to that as I become more independent. I plan on living life to the fullest when I am well and I'm going to drag him along with me whether he likes it or not! We love just being together doing anything so I think the next chapter of our lives will be about enjoying our marriage in a way we haven't been able to all these years.
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CFS/Food allergies,sensitivities Ph1May08 Ph2Oct08 25D8(Apr09) low lux home, limited outings covered up, enzymes
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HeatherK
Member
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Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2009 06:16 |
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Why not start a support thread where our husbands can share ???
Most I am sure are as MP literate as us, and computer literate. My hubby regularly reads the MP forums, as I have been very photosensitive in Phase 2, and miss a lot.
Thier insight/experience would be a support not just for themselves but reinforce thier support for the sick spouse.
Last edited on Fri Mar 27th, 2009 06:18 by HeatherK
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CFS for 5 yrs+ /started MP Sept20/07;( 25-D=24ng/ml, 1,25=47.5pg/ml.).. Dec/07(25-D= 14.4 ) Started Phase Two Mar 4/08; Dec 09(25D= 6); In blackout home/ wearing NoIRs/ Presumed celiac, wheat,dairy free.
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Deb Grabetz
Support Team
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Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2009 14:06 |
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Karna,
I've read many articles through the years about chronic illness and how it can destroy a relationship/marriage. In so many cases, the underlying symptoms are tough to pinpoint with an actual illness and therefore label someone as having personality traits that are difficult to live with. We start thinking incompatability. Looking back my illness caused me at times to become very irrational and fly off the handle, when my normal personality was very calm and caring. I now understand this to be neuro symptoms that were not associated at the time with disease!
My husband has survived some very tough times with me because I went undiagnosed for so very many years. In fact, it seems that now he has a better understanding of what we have gone through, now that he understands this disease and how it has affected me all these years. Back in 1990, most people thought I had gone off the deep end when I suffered a neurological flare with my sarc, after being exposed to an extreme form of mold in an older home we purchased and were remodeling. I knew I was quite ill but for others "listening" to my unending list of symptoms, it was difficult for anyone to figure out why I was acting the way I was. My husband was very supportive even though he had his moments of disbelief!
I have been so grateful to the MP for not only seeing health improvements but also for giving me an answer after too many years of "wondering" what could possibly be wrong with me. Dealing with being ill...trying to live life as a normal person, yet knowing I was not normal. I now realize that every thing I was exposed to "triggered" a reaction in my body. Although it seemed an allergic reaction, it ran far deeper than that and the reason that I could never get well. A visit to the dentist would set me off, a cold would set me off, an injury would set me off, pregnancy, dust, season changes, sun exposure,...you name it...anything that seemed offensive to my body was the trigger...and many times because I was neurologically affected also by this disease, these things not only triggered physical symptoms but neuro symptoms, depression, anger, fatigue, flat brain...Since being on the MP, I have had two colds, that progressed as a normal cold should. As silly as this might sound, it was exciting to get a cold and get over it like any other healthy person who gets a cold. Pre-MP my history with a cold would go into bronchitis, I would be sick for weeks, neuro symptoms kicking up and almost complete debilitation!
I agree with all of you...I think my husband has earned sainthood because for all of the good times we have shared in 33 years, he has had to deal with a whole slew of not so good times, illness, picking up where I would leave off when my fatigue hit, helping out over and above around the house and probably most of all not understanding my mood changes as my body was trying to deal with the attacks! In my situation, my husband comes from a family who took care of each other. He was raised seeing his mom care for her parents when they became ill and my husband cared for his sick uncle for years, so luckily for me, some of this nurturing came natural for him. I believe this would be a tough situation for a man who is not of this nature, to care for a wife who is typically always struggling with illness, or for that matter any relationship where the well person is not of the caregiver nature. I've often thought how many marriages/relationships have dissolved due to the misunderstanding of these Th1 illnesses. It's a terrible thing and my hope and prayer continues to be that the MP word reaches far and wide...and saves others of this unnecessary suffering!
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Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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Scarlett
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 3rd, 2008 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
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Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2009 18:02 |
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Deb,
So very well said and I am so glad for you and your family. My husband ( and probably most of our spouses) should be up for sainthood as well. Before I started the MP a friend of ours was in college and needed to do some testing as part of one of her classes and it involved compatability testing on married couples. Ric and I agreed to the testing and we actually had fun doing this. Much to my suprise the results came back as Ric being more nurturing than me, this suprised me. However, after the last 13 months on the MP I believe the test. Ric has been my rock, my support system, my sounding board, my entertainment (he has made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry) and very, very patient with me. I have told him when I am cured (which I believe with everything I have and am that I will be) I am going to take him on a wonderful vacation, anywhere he wants to go, and spend the rest of our lives together showing him how much I appreciate him and all he has done for me. God truly blessed me when I married this special man and I hope and pray each of my fellow MP'ers have been blessed in the same way. If you don't have a spouse or signifigant other, I hope you have been blessed with a very special friend or support group of some kind. If not, there are so many kind and caring people on the MP, make a friend with someone here on the site. We are blessed . Thank you Dr. Marshall and all involved in the operation of this site.
Scarlett
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Sarcoidosis, gastric paresis, osteopenia, hypotension, migraines, dry eye,insomnia, transient global amnesia, initial (2/08) 125D48, 25D58, 4/18/08 25D37, MP-3/3/08, PhaseII-3/28/08 Ambien, NoIRS, low lux home & work, lt exp r/t commute
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Karna
Member
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Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2009 21:26 |
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How unbelievable it is to me the similarities I share with my fellow MPers! Deb and Scarlett, it's like you are able to convey in words what I feel and think inside and share the same stories and situations my husband and I go through. I have often told my husband that I think we have a unique relationship. Do other couples love each other as much as we do? Do other husbands dote on their wives the way mine does? Do other couples enjoy spending so much time together? How wonderful to hear about other amazing men who are willing to stand by their women during these difficult times. I firmly believe these men were placed in our lives with great purpose and just like Scarlett I hope to be able to repay my husband in some way when I am better.
HeatherK, I think the support thread for husbands would be a great idea. You are lucky your hubby is so involved with the MP website. The problem for my husband would be an issue of finding time to post. We are blessed he has a job that pays our bills but it takes up a huge amount of his time. That's on top of taking care of me. Any spare moments he has he likes to sit in his recliner and read the paper and watch tv. He's not much of a computer person but it might peak his interest to read about other men going through the same situations and emotions that he does.
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CFS/Food allergies,sensitivities Ph1May08 Ph2Oct08 25D8(Apr09) low lux home, limited outings covered up, enzymes
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Alayne
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| Joined: | Wed Sep 21st, 2005 |
| Location: | California USA |
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Posted: Sat Mar 28th, 2009 00:05 |
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How about a support thread that includes husbands, wives, partners, relatives, caretakers, etc?
In other words, a thread for people closely involved with a person on the MP, not just husbands (as wonderful as they are  ).
There are probably plenty of wives who take care of their husbands, as well as unmarried partners, relatives and friends who also "endure" the effects of their loved ones' diseases.
FYI: The "Caretakers" thread was a wonderful idea, but I believe it got more religious than some were comfortable with and was stopped for that reason.
~Alayne
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CFS/FM Sick 30+yrs. NoIRs/Zinc oxide. 6/05:25D-34, 1,25D-69; 11/07:25D-8 1,25-37. 11/17/05-Ph1, 5/06-MPh2, 12/06-MPh2#2, 6/07-MPh2#3,1/08-Ph2, 4/08-Ph3. 4/09-10/09 weaned off abx. Benicar q4-6h. Heavy metal chelation as recent adjunctive therapy.
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Deb Grabetz
Support Team
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Posted: Sat Mar 28th, 2009 00:26 |
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Alayne,
Very good point! Deb
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Sarcoidosis/lungs, lymph,liver, GI, neuro, D12542, Ph17/07, MPh2 9/07, B12, cover up, NoIRs,return to work after 2 years off- 4/07D2511
5/09 D25<4
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Karna
Member
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Posted: Sat Mar 28th, 2009 00:56 |
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| Agreed! Great idea. Anybody have a significant other willing to start the ball rolling?
____________________
CFS/Food allergies,sensitivities Ph1May08 Ph2Oct08 25D8(Apr09) low lux home, limited outings covered up, enzymes
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eClaire
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| Joined: | Mon Sep 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
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Posted: Sat Mar 28th, 2009 03:56 |
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I thought I was blessed until my sainted partner fell in love with her best friend (as an escape from being married to a sick person). I think I have good relationship skills and the most dramatic impact on my personality when it comes to Th1 is requiring that the house stay picked up between the weeks where the housekeeper is scheduled (because I do not have the energy to catch up), which my ex-partner would no doubt like to attribute to my being neurotic, and the fact that I was so incredibly exhausted after starting the MP that I don't think I had the wherewithall to really see what was happening.
(Note that my two roommates--a father and teenage son--love living here after two and a half months, and I love having them here. The son is already talking about staying with me when his dad moves eventually--to marry my good friend--because this 16-year old thinks living with me would be good for him while he attends college. Yeah, I'm a trial to live with...heavy sarcasm there.)
My partner appeared to be trying out for sainthood ever since I became disabled in 2003, and that concerned me. It concerned me that I'd get lost in her eyes and that our relationship would get lost as well. I discussed these concerns. I regularly tried to get my partner to talk with me about her feelings, tried to get her to talk with her friends (big mistake...cause she ran off with a friend), tried to get her into counseling to help her cope because I figured any normal person would be struggling. And she kept playing the saint...to the hilt. All the while she DID lose sight of me and I became an object...an object that was responsible for her impossible attempt at sainthood. So she resented me too, and hated being seen with me in public in my sunglasses and covered up and hated the bathtub assist and the wheelchair when I ocassionally had to use it (oh, the things I learned when she finally started talking).
When the breakup started to happen, I said, "I am still here. Claire did not die when she became disabled. Being disabled did not ruin my life." Meanwhile, the day she left when I told her to "Go, enjoy your life" (knowing full well she would run into the arms of her best friend, the person she knew was merely an escape from the pain of being in a relationship with a disabled person) as I handed her a parting goodbye card and her favorite cookies, she looked at me and wailed, "I HAD a life!" Like I had ruined it by becoming disabled. Sigh....
You know, you cannot make up for someone else's lack of relationship skills, desire to be the good wife even if it nearly kills them and kills the relationships, and a partner's unwillingness to share feelings s/he thinks will hurt yours.
For me, the MP broke the camel's, er my ex's, back; however, I do believe this camel doesn't believe in facing the challenges that life presents and so her back would have been broken sooner or later anyway. Perhaps my Th1 contributed to a poor choice in a partner in the first place!
I recommend that people try to find a marriage counselor they can work with even if you think you have a great union. I thought I did. I thought my partner was trying too hard (trying to be good, trying not to hurt my feelings by expressing how hard it was to watch her wife and her life change) and that she'd reach a breaking point; I even knew she'd be vulnerable to the attentions of others and I tried to innoculate against that and would have been willing to forgive her that. What I didn't expect was the deception and the willingness to give up our life together--the soulful journey of two lives committed to each other. (No wonder she turned me into an object...she had to, to get up the nerve to be with someone who could run errands with her and go to the gym with her.)
I didn't expect deception...not when I had tried to be above board about everything, was very supportive of her in all aspects of her life, and thought the relationship a good one. I was just waiting for her to realize she could not be a saint and get real with the illness and what had happened to our relationship. She ran. I suppose that is one way of getting real. NOT.
What I learned is that nothing is for certain and life is messier than I ever thought possible--that is, you can love someone with your whole heart, wide open and if the other person believes that life should be easier, then you're up a creek without a paddle. Nearly quite literally when disabled.
Claire
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42mo on MP; CFS FMS MCS COPD hypermob IBS/GERD osteopor; 125D48 25D<4;
NoIRs during most daylight outings; Ph1.Dec06 * ModPh2.Jun07 * AbxBrk.Mar-May08
* Ph2.Oct-Nov08 * Ph1.Jan09 * Olm.alone.Jun10
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eClaire
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| Joined: | Mon Sep 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
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Posted: Wed Apr 22nd, 2009 21:55 |
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I feel like I scared everyone off with my post and ruined a perfectly good discussion.
Carry on....
Claire
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42mo on MP; CFS FMS MCS COPD hypermob IBS/GERD osteopor; 125D48 25D<4;
NoIRs during most daylight outings; Ph1.Dec06 * ModPh2.Jun07 * AbxBrk.Mar-May08
* Ph2.Oct-Nov08 * Ph1.Jan09 * Olm.alone.Jun10
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Ebeth
Member
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Posted: Wed May 13th, 2009 06:51 |
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Discussion not ruined; we're all just feeling a little sick.
BTW, I just saw this new title on Amazon.com, and I think I might buy it for my husband:
The Tough & Tender Caregiver: A Handbook for the Well Spouse
by David Travland Ph.D. (Author), Rhonda Travland (Contributor)
http://www.amazon.com/Tough-Tender-Caregiver-Handbook-Spouse/dp/143923485X/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242192651&sr=1-14
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Claire, it sounds like you were betrayed in more than one way by your partner and that she hurt you deeply. I am sorry that you have had to deal with a painful breakup on top of your illness. My heart goes out to you. ~Elizabeth
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Sarcoidosis/liver hypothyroid 125D49 Ph1Feb06 Ph2Jun06 Ph3Jan07 break Jul-Oct07 surg Mino only Feb-Jun08 2nd surg Armour thyroid 25D9(8/07)
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eClaire
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| Joined: | Mon Sep 25th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 1417 |
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Posted: Wed May 13th, 2009 12:40 |
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Thank you Elizabeth. While it was very painful and I am still hurt by the situation, I am recovering more quickly than I ever thought possible. Perhaps being disabled has taught me a lot about grieving the grief and getting back to enjoying life.
Claire
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42mo on MP; CFS FMS MCS COPD hypermob IBS/GERD osteopor; 125D48 25D<4;
NoIRs during most daylight outings; Ph1.Dec06 * ModPh2.Jun07 * AbxBrk.Mar-May08
* Ph2.Oct-Nov08 * Ph1.Jan09 * Olm.alone.Jun10
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